I never knew pain so palpable. The shock, the hurt, the abandonment was bone-chiseling. The man who has been there for all my ups and my downs had just walked away. I was jettisoned. I was thirteen.

My father had been everything to me. He introduced me to the world of literature, kindled my passion for soccer, and encouraged me to chase my dreams. He was my inspiration, my fountain of energy. When he walked out on my mother and me, I was facing an emotional abyss.

I did not know I had it inside me. The internal struggle was long and hard. However, self preservation eventually triumphed over self pity. Insights and lessons gained in history and literature have also brought me solace.

History and history lessons always make me think and think hard. Ms. Fearns’ discourse on Cultural Revolution was particularly moving that one afternoon. As I tried hard to grapple with the political-ideological issues and at the same time imagine the pains of betrayal, abandonment and cruelty inflicted by friends, brothers, sisters, children, wives and husbands, I realized my personal travails were paltry in comparison. Shouldering the suffering of others assuaged mine.

A little salt in life went a long way to help me savor great works of prose differently. Great works of words are not just great plays on words but great lessons on life. Jane Austen taught me that there are always choices if we have courage, and not hating my dad takes courage. Jeffrey Archer mocked me with his red herrings when I was too quick to judge his characters. It is simply too easy to overlook the better side of people when you know of their flaws. I learned to appreciate the kinder side of my father, which takes even greater kindness on my part. Eileen Chang made me see that the worst happenings in life are never just fate but consequences of the choices we make. My dad made one about his family. I made a better one about him.

As misfortune would not have it, I have the good fortune to have my mom as my mom. She had been always a mere star next to a supernova. When the brightest of the bright burn out, she was still my sole provider of warmth and light. She taught me how to forgive and love in spite of the greater pains and sufferings she had to endure. It is ironic and not without shame that I have only discovered her real worth, steadfast strength, genuine kindness and inner beauty only after such an ordeal. Without her boundless love and gentle guiding hands, I would not have survived this trail.

Adversity also taught me a lot of empathy and a little leadership. It had a wonderful way of making me focus on more constructive endeavors. My academic achievement gained me both self esteem and semblance of security. My sports taught me that if I show respect and considerations for the feelings of others, I will gain trust and friendship over time. It is never the calculus of power and benefits that cement a team; it is mutual respect and emotive bonds. Leadership is about showing support for your teammates not only when they are doing well, but also when they are not. Changing performance instead of performer is sometimes more effective in building a better team in the long run. With five minutes to go and both sides exhausted, morale and motivation can perform miracles. These miracles made me realize that my father will always be part of my team. Just as my fallible basketball teammates deserve support, my father does too.

It gradually dawned on me that love and forgiveness are our only salvation. We can all be unkind, inconsiderate and myopic at times. We can all be confused, greedy and selfish. We are all fallible and imperfect and so very human. The world would be a very cold place if we could not forgive and be forgiven. It is heartwarming to see how so many of the victims of the Cultural Revolution forgave those who victimized them. And it is always the hardest to deal with those closest.

Today, I converse with my father about the history of China, the works of our favorite authors, and the progress of Manchester United. But I reserve my most intimate thoughts and feelings with my mom. I have to thank my father for inspiring me intellectually and artistically. And I have to thank my mom for making me a better person. Perhaps my father too, for making me stronger.